How to avoid "Unhappiness"

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass,
it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

A person does not have to be behind bars to be a prisoner. People can be prisoners of their own concepts, choices and ideas. So tell the negativity committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.

When you dream, you better dream big; when you think, you better think big; and when you love, you better love truthfully. Happiness is a choice. There are no excuses for not trying to make the very best out of your life. There are no excuses for living in a way that consistently makes you unhappy.

Here are ten happiness mistakes to avoid:

1. Thinking that you have already missed your chance. – Your life, with all its ups and downs, has molded you for the greater good. Your life has been exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think you’ve lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the current moment. And every moment of your life, including this one right now, is a fresh start. If you have the courage to admit when you’re scared, the ability to laugh even as you cry, the nerve to speak up even if your voice is shaking, the confidence to ask for help when you need it, and the wisdom to take it when it’s offered, then you have everything you need to get yourself to a better place. Read The Power of Habit.
2. Using failed relationships as an excuse. – Life doesn’t always introduce you to the people you WANT to meet. Sometimes life puts you in touch with the people you NEED to meet – to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to gradually strengthen you into the person you were meant to become.
3. Changing who you are to satisfy others. – No matter how loud their opinions are, others cannot choose who you are. The question should not be, “Why don’t they like me when I’m being me?” It should be, “Why am I wasting my time worrying what they think of me?” If you are not hurting anyone with your actions, keep moving forward with your life. Be happy. Be yourself. If others don’t like it, then let them be. Life isn’t about pleasing everybody.
4. Putting up with negative people and negative thinking. – It’s time to walk away from all the drama and the people who create it. Surround yourself with those who make you smile. Love the people who treat you right, and pray for the ones who don’t. Forget the negative and focus on the positive. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Making mistakes and falling down is a part of life, but getting back up and moving on is what LIVING is all about.
5. Focusing all of your attention on another time and place. – This day will never happen again. Enjoy it. Cherish your time. It’s often hard to tell the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory. Someday you may discover that the small things were really the big things. So learn to appreciate what you have before time forces you appreciate what you once had. Read The Power of Now.
6. Overlooking what you have to focus on what you haven’t. – Most people end up cheating on others and themselves because they pay more attention to what they’re missing, rather than what they have. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, think about what you have that everyone else is missing.
7. Dwelling on the things you can’t change. – If you hadn’t fallen down, you would never have learned how to get back on your feet. If you hadn’t been forced to let go and move on, you’d never have learned that you have the strength to stand on your own. If you hadn’t lost hope, you would never have found your faith. The best often comes after the worst happens. You can either move on, or you can dwell on the things you can’t change. Either way life does move on with or without you. So learn from the past and then get the heck out of there. You will always grow stronger from the pain if you don’t let it destroy you.
8. Constantly sacrificing your own happiness for everyone else. – Never let your own happiness wither away as you try to bring sunshine to others. Life is not about making others happy. Life is about being honest and sharing your happiness with them.
9. Losing track of your own goals and ideals. – Knowing who you are is one thing, but truly believing and living as yourself is another. With all the social conditioning in our society we sometimes forget to stay true to ourselves. Don’t lose yourself out there. In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, stay true to your awesome self. Read The Art of Non-Conformity.
10. Dealing with the stress of deceiving others. – If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then DON’T LIE. It’s always better to tell people the truth up front. Live in such a way that if someone decided to attack your character, no one would believe it. Live so that when the people around you think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you.

And remember, life will never be perfect, no matter how hard you try. Even if you pour your heart and soul into it, you will never achieve a state of absolute perfection. There will always be moments of uncertainty; there will always be days where nothing goes right. But as time rolls on you will learn that even the most imperfect situations can be made better with a little love and laughter.

Photo by Heather

L - O - V - E defined

“Everyone says that love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts, rejection hurts, losing someone hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in the world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.”

-James Hussain


Love… I wonder what it really means. Love is a very subjective word, unlike any other word in the world. I think it’s something like our fingerprints. No one can understand what another person’s definition of love is, nor can anyone ever replicate another person’s love. Perhaps love is just a word we use when we have to define a feeling that just can’t be described, a feeling that no one else can understand but you.

Love is not an obscure pie-in-the-sky concept. Love is an action. It's very hands-on. And it's very do-or-die. The true meaning of love is not simply "I'm very fond of you" or "you make me feel really good". If your love is based solely on how good he/she makes you feel, what happens when  he/she makes you angry beyond belief?

Or what happens when he/she betrays your trust? Or when you're not talking to each other?

Or when you're only arguing with each other?

Will your love cause you to abandon ship when the storms arise in your relationship?

Or will it compel you to stand your ground and safely guide your relationship through the storms to calm waters?


The choice is yours to make. What's the deciding factor? Your view of love, and how seriously you believe in it.The true meaning of love does not depend on the weather conditions of your relationship. Fair weather vs. Stormy weather. Love always reaches out to touch the good in each other, regardless of what's going on. So let's break down the definition of love even further. You need to truly see how marvelous it really is.

Okay, analyze each word from the above definition of love, this is what you get: "an absolute, undivided, uncompromised or unmodified careful thought, regard and respect, along with an extreme kind of selfless affection and dedication, for another person".
WEW! Truly powerful. That's really deep.

That leaves no ambiguity regarding the true meaning of love.

There's no room for doubting what to do when you're facing a difficult situation in your relationship. When the seas become rough, you don't drop the lifeboat and abandon your relationship. By all means, get to safety and don't look back!


But of course, I'm talking to the rest of us, (including myself! lols).
Those who are bored in their relationship.
What are you doing? Love makes no concession for your boredom! Nor for you wanting to "hook up" with someone else!
Look at the true meaning of love again: "an absolute, uncompromised, careful regard and respect along WITH an extreme kind of SELFLESS affection and dedication for another person." 

You are responsible for your actions. Instead of turning your back on to relationship when you're toiling through bad times, your love drives you to reach out and bear each other’s pains.


Love causes you to comfort each other, even when you've just had the biggest argument. How many hurtful things have you said or done to your each other? How many times have you been forgiven for them? Why? LOVE.
Big words huh!? :D


Real love demands that all of your tender affection, care, dedication and respect is given selflessly.
That means it's not all about "me, me, me".
You're willing to sacrifice how you may really feel to make him/her happy.
You're willing to forgive when you've been wronged. You're able to look past and your sometimes volatile emotions to see and touch that beautiful person you loved.

Love allows each of you to be your best. That's what the true meaning of love is all about. If you see your each other hurting, you want to make them better. You want to take their pain away, even if you're the cause of it.
Sometimes, if the pain is deep, they may push you away initially. It may be best to give them time to process their hurt and anger so they can embrace you again. Just don't give up!


Sure, their actions may cause you hurt and pain. But do you walk out on your realtionship because of a temporary heartache? Do you retaliate, regardless of if you did wrong or not? Do you shut out, too, and put your realtionship on cruise control with no one to guide it?


NO! You push through those hard times. You dig your heels in deeper and hold on to each other. You even carry through if they're not able to walk the distance themselves. You never lose sight of each other. Never let go of each other.


The true meaning of love is simple. It's an all-out, selfless affection and dedication to each other. You immerse yourselves in each other so deeply that you easily see your own reflection when you look at each other...no, not literally. But you leave no room for anything else. No room for anyone else. That's what love is.



Did this feature help you better yourself or your relationship?
You can change someone else’s life too!

Like me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter @akositin17

What a REAL man should know

Here are some examples of what a man should do, (for those who are unable to be aware of their girlfriends) and to those girls who are longing for it.



This is how to keep your your relationship keep going. If you follow these directions well, you'll probably have a wonderful relationship. She'll be very happy! Being a good boyfriend is a lot of work, so make sure she's worth it.







1) Listen to her. If she has mentioned that something you do bothers her, change your behavior. We are not saying that you should change who you are, but relationships require compromise from both ends. She may have already changed something about herself for you!

2) Tell the truth about important issues, but know when little white lies are appropriate. Lies will drive a wedge of suspicion and mistrust between you and your girlfriend that you may never be able to fix. You may throw away a whole relationship with just one act of mistrust. Your actions should also prove to her that you are trustworthy. Conversations you have with other women should never border the line of being flirtatious or intimate. She needs to know that she can trust you in speech and conduct even in the little things. If you have a hard time with this one, maybe you aren't ready for a relationship and should instead question why you feel the need to flirt with other women in the first place. When you are in a relationship, and it comes to telling the truth about whether or not another woman is hotter than her, or has better eyes/breasts/ass/legs etc, then default answer should always be a resounding "NO!"


3) Be sensible about how you talk about female friends. If you have female friends that you would like your girlfriend to befriend mutually, or if you want her to trust you in your friendships with other women, NEVER comment on a female friend's physical appearance as if you find her attractive. If you have something positive to say about your friend, make it about her personality, as in, that she is warm, friendly, or creative. Whatever you do, don't lead in with, "My friend is coming to town and I really want you to meet her. You'll really like her. She's gorgeous! All of my friends can't keep their eyes off her - when she's around, conversation stops because all the guys just keep staring at her!" Don't expect your girlfriend to want to meet your friend after that with open arms. She's going to have a difficult and awkward time of it, and it won't be because she's just insecure. Language like this is hurtful to her, as it seems to her and to others that you see her as another rung on the line of beautiful women around you. Have some sensitivity when talking with her about your female friends, and don't talk to her about them like your girlfriend's just one of the guys. You will make her feel that you may not love her enough to keep your eyes off of other women, or to think about what you say before you say it when speaking to her. Always uplift your girlfriend so that knows that she is the only one in the world that you have eyes for. Your friendships with your female friends will be accepted much more smoothly if you follow this step.


4) Be spontaneous. Surprise her with chocolates or notes. Whisk her away to an unplanned romantic dinner, day, or weekend. (However, make sure you plan it on a night/day/weekend when you know she won't have things to do).

Take her somewhere new. Many girls will get bored if you take them to the same place time after time (unless it's a special place for the both of you) so mix it up a little. You should enjoy the variety of new places with her, too! It creates new conversation topics and memories!


5) Be considerate. Recognize when she needs you to be there for her and when she needs to be alone. Never ignore her when you don't have a good reason.

6) Give each other space. Don't smother your girlfriend—you want her to be excited each time she sees or hears from you. If you smother her, she may become overwhelmed. That could ruin a good relationship. Play it cool without ignoring her.

7) Return her calls and texts. Unless she specifies that you don't need to call her back, it's good to get back to her when your girlfriend calls you. It's also not hard to text her back or update her on what you are doing throughout the day. Let her know she's on your mind even though you are not with her in person. Girls can get insecure when ignored. You don't want your girlfriend insecure. A confident girl is a happy girl. A happy girl is good to her boyfriend.


8) Get her a gift. It doesn't have to be big—even a small gift, like her favorite candy bar, goes a long way. Be listening to things she's wanted and surprise her with them from time to time.

If it's a big holiday, listen to hints she may be dropping about what she wants. Thoughtful gifts will show her you care. Bring her to the mall and pay attention to what she points out.

Put some thought into it! What does she like? Music? Scarves? Delicate bracelets? Does she have any collections? Does she have a wish list somewhere you can buy from? Has she mentioned wanting anything lately? Perhaps you could ask your mom or her best friend for advice!


9) Confide in her. Open up to her in a way that you don't do for most people. Keep her secrets when she does the same for you. A healthy thing about having a girlfriend is that you can show her a side of you you wouldn't normally show any of your buddies.


10)Defend her. If someone is teasing her, take her side (or no side at least). Girls need to know that their man has their back at all times. How would you feel if she took her friends' or your friends' side over yours? Let her know she can depend on you. That is how a relationship works.


11) Respect her. Remember that your girlfriend is not your "property." Be mindful of her opinions and desires, even if they differ from your own. Don't make her feel stupid just because she doesn't think the way you do on everything. You're supposed to make her feel good; not bad.


12) Make her feel special. While it is completely permissible for you to be friends with other girls in the proper context, don't flirt or put yourself in situations that will make you or her uncomfortable. Women have a strong sense of intuition and often times may see a compromising situation when men only see something innocent. Males and females don't see things the same way, so listen to her. Don't talk about other girls' appearances in front of her either, even if it's a celebrity. Wait to say it when she's not around. Tell her occasionally: "You're my only girl" or "You're the only girl I have feelings for" or something similar. You want your girlfriend feeling confident at all times. Insecure girlfriends are the worst!

Never ignore her. It hurts immensely, and if you ignore her enough, it may make her think about dumping you (although she won't let you know unless she decides to go through with it). Don't leave her waiting, either. Girls easily become offended, especially the sweet and sensitive ones.

Text her when you're thinking about her. But DO NOT text anything you might not want her friends or family to read. Because once you have sent it, it's on her phone forever for anyone to read. Also, try texting her good morning as often as possible. A girl loves to know she was the first thing on her boyfriend's mind when he started his day.


13) Make her laugh. This doesn't mean that you should tell corny jokes at every opportunity. Know what kind of humor she likes. If she's upset, try and cheer her up (without being crass).


14) Please her friends and family. If her friends and family don't like you, she may have second thoughts about you herself. Girls talk to other girls, and girls can be impressionable. Always act like a gentleman around her friends and family, and elicit confidence!


15) Treat her like a princess! Open doors for her, offer her your jacket, pull her chair out for her, and stand up when she enters the room! She'll love these little gestures. When you take her on dates, never let her pay. There is just something so sexy about a man when he takes care of the dinner bill like it's no big deal.


16) Compliment her. Tell her she is beautiful, especially when she least expects it. Girls can spend a lot of effort trying to look nice, and it will make her happy that you noticed. Make your compliments meaningful and truthful. Instead of "Your hair is pretty," try "I really like the way you did your hair tonight! It looks so soft and beautiful." Say what you like about what you like. If her hair smells good, say it smells amazing and hold her close!


17) Don't take her for granted. Keep in mind that she could leave you, so you'd better work hard at keeping her happy so that you can keep her as your girlfriend. Girls will only take so much hurt in a relationship. If you find that you are constantly hurting her, it won't be long before you lose her. Some girls can and will take some low blows from their boyfriends, but in time, she will realize she could find someone else to make her just as happy, or even happier! If you want to keep her, it's time to start treating her like a gentleman should.


18) Don't be ashamed to compliment her or show her affection in front of others. Real men aren't ashamed to show the world they've found a good woman, and your girl will love you for that. People talk publicly about the things they value, she will instantly feel like a priority if you are confident enough to show the world how you feel about her. Hold her hand in the mall or throw your arm around her at the movies.




                                                                         WARNING



- As said earlier, never lie to her! She'll know when you do.

When you hug her, make sure it's a genuine hug.

- DO NOT EVER say you are going to kill yourself, even if you are kidding. She will not take it well.

- Make sure you know her well before you follow ALL of these steps. Not all girls will want you to do everything on this list. But most girls will like you to do small things like opening doors and stuff like that and that will make you more admirable.




If you find this helpful, you may click this link for another advice.

Or you may also like my page in facebook by clicking this link.


Thank you, and God bless everyone.